Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
by Ayashe Tru
Summary: After the war Harry traded his life in the UK for life in the US. Now he appears in the news in Britain and the States for his lavish and sometimes outrageous lifestyle. What can his old friends do to get their friend back?
1. Chapter One

If I owned Harry Potter would I be writing _fan fiction_? 

**The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous**

Summary : After the war Harry traded his life in the UK for life in the US. Now he appears in the news in Britain and the States for his lavish and sometimes outrageous lifestyle. What can his old friends do to get their friend back?

**Chapter One**

Ginny Weasley trudged down the stairs in her fluffy pink slippers, deeply in the need of a cup of coffee, only to find the coffee pot empty. Couldn't Jake fill it before he left for work? He knew she would be wanting coffee when she got up. Jake was her absent minded, unthoughtful fiancé, but why she was even going to marry him was beyond her. 'I'm going to marry him,' she thought 'because the man I want I can't have. AND because mum and dad want me to.' Of course her parents didn't exactly want her to marry him. Their first choice was Harry, as was hers. But they hadn't heard from Harry in months, and he wasn't exactly the angel he used to be. There seemed to be a new girlfriend, or scandal (sometimes the girlfriend was a part of the scandal, especially that time when Nick Lachey -some muggle singer, the papers had said- caught Harry and his wife -some other muggle singer- in bed, his bed actually, when Jessica thought he was in another country. It had been a very interesting situation and the Prophet had regretted not having any pictures.) So the Weasley parents settled on Jake. Good, respectable, boring Jake. Course he couldn't help it he was born without a personality. But on the plus side, he did have a good deal of money, but that hardly made up for her having to sleep with him. Sighing and adjusting her fur coat (which she always wore, in the mornings in place of a bathrobe), she zapped the coffee pot with her wand and sat down to read the Daily Prophet. The first thing she noticed were coffee spots all over the paper from Jake's sloppy drinking The second thing she noticed was the headline ... HARRY POTTER ATTACKS PAPARAZZI AFTER DRUNKEN NIGHT IN CLUBING! TURN TO PAGE 6 TO READ MORE!   
A little farther down the front of the cover.   
PICTURES OF HARRY POTTER WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON! PAGES 3-5!   
Ginny made a disgusted noise, though she was highly tempted to go look. She turned to page six out of curiosity and saw.   
'When Mr. Potter was confronted about this his slurred reply was, "You don't know me!"'   
Yes she was defiantly disgusted, so she turned to page 10 and read an article on hair-care instead. Besides, what else had she to do?

"Oh god," Harry murmured sitting up. "My head!"   
"What's wrong baby?"   
"Oh, go back to sleep," Harry said annoyed, turning to the woman he had no recollection of meeting. She obliged and began snoring. Harry frowned. He sure could pick 'em. Harry pulled on his black cashmere bathrobe and slowly made his way down the stairs, thanking god that the walls were sound proof so he couldn't hear the birds chirping (or the snoring woman upstairs). Harry sat down at his breakfast nook and grabbed the two newspapers on the table and pulled them forward to him. One was the Daily Prophet from England and the other was the Daily Shout Out from the United States. Both said the same thing, practically except the American title said: HARRY POTTER ATTACKS PAPARAZZI AFTER DRUNKEN NIGHT CLUBBING, DAWG! TURN TO PAGE 6 TO READ MORE!   
"Ooh," said Harry with interest. "Pictures of me without my shirt on!"

After a boring morning of wandering around the house with nothing to do, Ginny decided to go visit her mum who was probably lonely with only jobless Ron to keep her company now with her dad at work.   
"Hello, dear," said Mrs. Weasley seeing her daughter walking in. "Want a sandwich? I'm making Ron a sandwich."   
"Why doesn't Ron get a job? I mean Hermione has a job."   
"Oh well, we shouldn't judge."   
"Slacker," Ginny said as Ron walked in.   
"Bitch," Ron replied.   
"Ronald Weasley! You will not use that kind of language in my house, especially against your sister! Apologize."   
"Fine, I'm sorry Ginny," Ron mumbled.   
"That's quite all right, Ronald, I accept your apology," Ginny said diplomatically.   
"See how good your sister is?" said Mrs. Weasley.   
Ginny smirked.   
"So Ginny, how are you and Jake?" Mrs. Weasley asked.   
"Oh we're great," Ginny said enthusiastically. "He and I are doing really well. Er," she paused thinking of something else good to say. "We, er, really love each other," she finished, grimacing.   
"Liar," Ron mouthed.   
"Shut up," Ginny mouthed back.   
"I didn't say anything," mouthed back Ron.   
"Oh well you two stop it!" said Mrs. Weasley.   
"How did you know we were doing anything?" Ron asked.   
"You're always doing something," said Mrs. Weasley.   
"Like Harry," said Ginny.   
"Ginny, that's crude."   
"Well it's true," Ginny said. "He's always doing something or someone. Did you see the Daily Prophet?" Her mother sighed. "Yes I did. Oh I wish Harry would start acting better! We are all so disappointed in him!"   
"Have you told him that?" Ron asked.   
"Well no, we don't know where to contact him at! Oh, and I know Remus would give him a stern talking to!" Mrs. Weasley said.   
"Oh I'm sure that would set him straight!"   
"I didn't know he was gay," said Ginny.   
"Oh, Ginny, you're as bad as he is!"

"I'm not gay!"   
"Not you, Ron, and Harry's not gay. There's proof of that all over the news."   
"I know, I was just messing around," said Ginny.   
"Well don't. Don't you know how hard it is on us all? And poor Dumbledore! When this first started, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I don't know what's gotten into Harry!" Mrs. Weasley said sadly.   
"I don't know if anything's gotten into Harry, it's whose Harry gotten into?" said Ron.   
"Oh enough you two!"


	2. Chapter Two

If I owned Harry Potter would I be writing _fan fiction_?

**Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous**

**Chapter Two**

A/N: Before you read this I just want to make it clear that I don't really care what goes on in real photo shoots, but in this one (since Jason Elias - you'll find out who he is - is so powerful, he can do whatever he wants) the only people there are the makeup people, the photographer, the people who are getting the picture taken, and Jason.

"Have you seen the news?" Harry asked his publicist and manager, Jason Elias, (who sounded somewhat like a cars salesman) over the phone.

'Oh yeah, great publicity! I'd be scared if you weren't in the tabloids. That's the first sign that a stars career is over. Or they're just too boring, or a goody two shoes," Jason chuckled. Yeah right, a good two shoes in Hollywood!

"What career?" Harry asked. "I haven't got one."

"Sure you do," said Jason, never actually mentioning what career that was. "Anyway, the ladies love you, and that's what counts. So, photo shoot tomorrow at four. Don't be late, you're going to be on the front cover of Teen People with Paris Hilton!" Jason said excitedly and hung up.

XxXxXxX

"Guess what I found?" Mr. Weasley said walking in from a long day at work.

"What?" asked Mrs. Weasley. "And why are you so late?

"I'm getting to that Molly," said Mr. Weasley. "After work I decided to go to one of those Muggle libraries."

Mrs. Weasley was already not liking where this was going.

"And I discovered the most extraordinary thing!"

"What?" said Ron.

"A commuter!" said Mr. Weasley impressively. "They have tons of them! And you can surf spiders there too! "

"I think you mean a _computer_," said Hermione, "and the _web_."

"The what?" Ron said.

"The web - internet," said Hermione. "You can talk to friends, look up information..."

"Yes that's what I did!" said Mr. Weasley. "I looked up Harry."

"And?" said Mrs. Weasley.

"I found his address," said Mr. Weasley pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket.

"Are you sure it's real?" said Hermione.

"There's only one way to find out," said Mr. Weasley.

"Oh let's celebrate!" Mrs. Weasley said. "We'll invite Ginny and Jake over, and Remus, of course. Oh, and what about Dumbledore, do you think he'd come?"

"Of course he'd come, we have Harry's address!" said Hermione.

XxXxXxX

"Why are we going over your parents again?" asked Jake.

"I don't know," said Ginny pulling her hair into a ponytail. "All they said was they had some wonderful exciting news."

"Well don't where anything too nice. It's only your parents."

Ginny blocked his annoying nerdy voice out of her mind, along with the thought of spending the rest of her life with him.

XxXxXxX

"What did you call us here for? What have we got to celebrate?" asked Remus.

"We've got good news!" said Mrs. Weasley.

"Well tell us already so we can all go home," said Jake.

Despite the fact that most of the people in the room hated Jake, they all agreed with him ... for once.

"Well earlier today I got on a commuter," Mr. Weasley said.

"Computer," corrected Hermione.

"Yes, that. And I looked up Harry and I found his address."

Silence greeted his statement.

"Who?" said Jake.

"HARRY," Ginny said loudly in his ear, as if she was speaking to someone half deaf. "HARRY POTTER!"

"You have Harry's address?" said Remus.

"Yes! But we decided to leave it up to Remus and Dumbledore to decide what to write. You were closest to him, and might be able to help him see reason."

"Harry?" Remus said dazed.

"Yes, Remus, Harry! Isn't it wonderful?" said Mrs. Weasley happily.

"Who cares?" said Ginny. "It's not like he wants to hear from any of us anyway."

"Ginny hush," said Mrs. Weasley. "Just because you don't care doesn't mean no one else does."

"I'm afraid to say young Miss Weasley has a point," said Dumbledore. "Harry doesn't want to be bothered, why don't we just let him be?"

"What?" asked Hermione. "Don't you care about Harry anymore?"

"We don't even know Harry anymore, Hermione," said Ron.

"What's the matter with you all? Harry needs help! He needs us!" Hermione said.

But it seemed that only Mr. and Mrs. Weasley agreed with her.

"Fine! I'll just do it myself! Thanks for your support Ron!" said Hermione storming out of the room.

XxXxXxX

"Okay Harry you just stand there," said Jason.

Paris Hilton and Harry faced each other and looked at the camera. Paris put her arms around Harry's neck.

"Smile Harry!" said Jason, practically bouncing up and down with happiness.

"I don't smile," said Harry.

"Oh just do it Harry," Jason said a little less enthusiastically.

Harry gave a fake but dazzling smile.

Then Jason's cell phone rang.

"Yes? What? Alright hold on," said Jason. "Stop the shoot for a second."

Jason walked a ways off and was mumbling to someone, and looking not very happy.

"Okay," said Jason snapping his cell shut. "We have to do this some other time. Harry, if you get any _strange_ mail, ignore it. They are dangerous busy bodies trying to ruin your career."

"What career?" asked Harry, but Jason ignored him.

"On second thought, it's better if you just stay here. Wait until I get back and then we can finish. So just sit there and look pretty Harry," said Jason.

Harry sat down.

"Smile," coaxed Harry.

Harry smiled again but his expression clearly said 'I'm going to hurt you."

"Good, happy Harry!" he said running off. "Happy, happy, everybody's happy."

"Is he on something?" asked Paris.

"Probably," said Harry.

"What did you mean by you didn't have a career? You're everywhere!"

"So?"

"So? You're famous! Being famous is a career. We were born into this. We didn't have to do anything. You're like Prince William or," said Paris pausing for a moment to collect her thoughts, "Gandhi!"

"Gandhi?"

"Yeah! Don't you know who Gandhi is?"

"Yeah I do," said Harry. "Are you sure you do?"

"Okay everything's fine, everything's A-Okay! Back on track!" said Jason coming back into the studio. "Back to work people!"

"Something's seriously wrong with him," said Harry.

XxXxXxX

Poor Lupin. He's really messed up. Let's just say one to many Crucio's to the head during the war. Plus when Harry up and left, it broke his little werewolf heart. This will probably be the last time any HP character will interact with anyone real. I just wanted Paris because #1 I like her, #2 I need a ditsy blond and Jessica Simpson is married.

To my reviewers (all two of them!)...

Kara- Good, now go make Stephen read this.

Miranda Potter- Thanks. I love badboy!Harry too, and can't find any. Sorry. I guess everyone just loves innocent baby Harry.


End file.
